click While we're on the topic of sex and male lesbian fantasyland, we don't want to have sex with your girlfriend. We don't want to watch our girlfriend having sex with your girlfriend while you watch us ew. When you and your girlfriend walk into a lesbian bar acting like hustlers, no one wants to play your game. That's your fantasy driven by too many porn movies and your desire to experiment and play. What about Lesbian Bed Death? Bed death is real, but many think it's just more interesting to talk about it from a lesbian perspective.
However, I know many heterosexual couples that are experiencing bed death. It's not uncommon but its existence is way overblown. Moving onto more mundane lesbian stereotypes, including our fashion sense and how we spend our free time. Now, this is a pretty solid list of lesbian stereotypes. Remember, we have stereotypes because, in part, they are true, but it is still just a part. How does this list break down? Well, I've never owned a Jeep or a Subaru. I do own a Mazda Miata. It's sporty, sexy and fun, fun, fun. It's also a pretty good chick magnet. It's not particularly sensible or practical, but it is just fun.
I love that. I've got plenty of friends who own Subarus and Jeeps, so this lesbian stereotype holds some weight, but it's not all-inclusive. Lesbians can often take a more practical approach to life. Since we don't have men to do the heavy lifting, we do tend to have more of a take-charge attitude than heterosexual women about some of our choices. As a group, you'll see more practical versus sexy clothing being worn. High femme clothing is often uncomfortable, impractical and you're going to freeze your rear off in whatever it is.
Yes, come-hither shoes are very high femme or, lipstick lesbian, but those gals typically have a butch partner to do all the things they can't take care of in those heels! The rest of us need to be able to lift that bale and haul that barge. We go for sporty, practical, fun and easy. Lesbians do wear lingerie. We also wear make-up, bras and dresses. Almost every woman I have ever dated has worn these things! Some even wear high heels. I love a tall gal. And we are not all into sports. I am not in the least. That being said, many lesbians enjoy both watching and playing them, and that's great.
Lots of straight women are into sports too, and sometimes those straight women confuse the queer girls who end up crushing on them. Hey, that's life. Finally there are the insanity-inducing stereotypes that absolutely need to be kicked to the curb. We are not recruiting straight women. Most dyed-in-the wool lesbians aren't interested in dealing with the upheaval of a woman who is just coming out. It is really, really messy business to come out. It has to be done, but most of us are not out recruiting newbie lesbians. The toaster-oven payment plan created by Ellen is just not that great an incentive.
Most of us only need one toaster anyway. Most women are not L Word lesbians. We are just like your sisters, wives and mothers — except lesbians. There is some truth to the U-Haul thing I'm sorry to say and as the Gay Girl Dating Coach, I'm working hard to equip lesbians with the skills to say no to u-hauls and the women that use them. As we become a more open society that is more accepting of alternatives to heterosexual love and relationships, hopefully this stereotype and really lousy relationship choice that still happens in our little lesbian world will go the way of the dodo bird.
Stereotypes are based on a grain of truth. We use them to make life easier for ourselves, but they limit how the general public views lesbians and the lives we lead. We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, races and we live our lives in our own uniquely lesbian way. So instead of using lesbian stereotypes to box us up, get to know us. We are really special and very unique people. Just like you. Mary Gorham Malia —- Are you ready to jump into the lesbian dating world?
Get access to my free three video series on Lesbian Game Changers. This article originally appeared on YourTango. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. More Stories On YourTango:. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. Join HuffPost Plus. Real Life. Real News.
Real Voices. Let us know what you'd like to see as a HuffPost Member. Canada U. US News. World News. Social Justice. Both women beam megawatt, toothy smiles. It feels good. Someone who knows her family may see her. But she's sure she won't be recognised, because when she goes to meet her girlfriend, she removes the hijab she wears at home. Nella was 17 years old when she fell in love with a girl for the first time. They met through sport — something Nella had been passionate about since she was a young girl.
She was from a conservative Muslim family. Dating was not an option, let alone with a woman. Nella was born in the city of Bujumbura, the capital of Burundi. The country, which is one of the world's poorest, is located in the African Great Lakes region.
It has struggled to gain stability since the end of a civil war in , and when it does hit the international headlines, it's mainly this image that is portrayed. When she was a teenager, Nella dreamed of going to university.
But her family were constantly urging her to get married. They would introduce her to members of the extended family, in the hope they could find a match. When her parents died, Nella's brothers increased the pressure. There was no money for an education, they said, and besides they didn't believe a woman needed one. They knew of a rich man who was interested in her. There was little time to lose, they insisted. At 20 she was getting on a bit. As a woman from a country like hers, Nella says her rights were already diminished.
The couple barely communicated and she dreaded intimacy. After the birth of her youngest child, Nella says she began to feel like the most isolated woman in the world. She doesn't want to go into much detail about her marriage. She turned to social media and carried out searches for women who like women. Suddenly, she realised she was not alone. What she discovered was that there is a shorthand, a secret code, that local lesbian women use to reach out to each other.
It largely relies on internet shorthand, obscure symbols used by lesbians around the world. Nella would send these images and emoticons to other women.
Those in the know would respond. Buoyed by what she found, Nella began connecting with women online. Women like her. Women who soon became her closest friends. In , her husband found out about these conversations and her marriage broke down. He vowed to keep her sexuality a secret from the wider community for the sake of their children. We are just one part of it. She was brought up by strict parents in a suburban neighbourhood of Bujumbura. She and her siblings had to be home earlier than their friends. Niya had to dress conservatively and was expected to act in a demure way. Niya preferred friendships with boys but these never developed into crushes.
At 14, she became a Christian.
Thinking that part of her faith meant that she should avoid dating, she put her lack of romantic interest in boys down to a commitment to God. At 22, she met a woman who was also in her early 20s, through mutual friends. Bonding over their love of music, they formed a fast friendship. Back at home, thinking about what had happened, Niya realised that she had feelings for her friend. The pair began to date in secret. It had nothing to do with religion. Two years later, Niya felt she had to tell one person in her immediate family. She chose one of her brothers. She had looked up YouTube videos of lesbian vloggers in other parts of the world.
She watched films featuring same-sex couples and read a lot of reports on lesbian, bisexual and queer LBQ communities. She began to understand the language of the internet. The BBC messaged Niya to tell her that we would be using images of a violet to illustrate the memes.
We chose the symbol - which differs vastly from the symbols the women use - because lesbian women in the s were said to give violets to their girlfriends. Watching the YouTube videos had confirmed to Niya that she was not alone. But where were the other gay women in Burundi? Leila had grown up in a loving, supportive middle-class family in Bujumbura city. She was popular. She had a boyfriend. After months of thinking about her continuously, she needed to share her feelings.
Leila texted the friend. The two agreed to draw a line under the embarrassing episode. Relieved, Leila put her months of infatuation down to a phase. It had been a one-off crush, with one woman. I cried. We convinced ourselves it was a phase. I said I would. So I dumped him and started dating a cute guy. But when he looked at her quizzically, she says the full realisation of who she is hit her. I am a lesbian, Leila told herself. But she still hoped there would be a way out of it.
She prayed. She meditated. She became angry with herself. You have the moment when you realise that there is no going back. This is you. You are gay. Your plans and expectations for what you thought life would be need to adjust. Then there is the second coming out, the public coming out, to the people around you. When she came out to herself, Leila began to look for other gay people. She doubted there would be women like her in Burundi, but she searched videos on Facebook and YouTube seeking lesbians in other countries.
Initially her mother took it badly. But as the days passed she began to ask more questions. The family agreed that as a lesbian woman in Burundi, Leila was already in a vulnerable position. They could protect her while she was in the family home, but they could not guarantee her safety outside if the wrong people found out. There was a shorthand, a recognition. You become an expert in body language, eye contact.
Love Behind Bars: My First Lesbian Experience [Jennifer Jagger] on Amazon. com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Written by BEST-SELLING author. Editorial Reviews. About the Author. JenniferJagger was your typical shy girl with the huge Love Behind Bars: My First Lesbian Experience Kindle Edition. by.